Life in the Slow Lane by Thomas M. Sullivan

Author:Thomas M. Sullivan
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Humor
ISBN: 978-1-60174-085-4
Publisher: Uncial Press

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ROUGH ROAD AHEAD

June

Ninety-nine percent of the kids I instruct are courteous, well behaved, and listen politely as I introduce their lessons. In other words, they're nothing like their parents. Today I meet a member of the other one percent.

I'm waiting with two students for another I haven't met when I see a girl walking towards us wearing ripped jeans shorts and a flimsy tank top. She lumbers up the stairs in unlaced work boots, tugging at the thin strap on her shirt, which keeps falling off her shoulder. Looking at her angular face and large curly hair, I'm sure I recognize her, but can't place the name, maybe some celebrity...then it hits me--it's Carrot Top!

As she approaches, I quickly remind myself of my guiding principle for students: Everyone starts with a clean slate. All kids are good. I repeat these lines silently, trying to convince myself, but it's not working. I'm getting a whiff of danger here, Tonya Harding style. But it's too late to cut and run, so I introduce her to my other students and we all pile into the car, with Carrot Top loading into the back seat.

"Damn, I should have brought a book," she blurts out.

I ignore the comment and my other two students remain silent as well. None of us want to provoke this newcomer, who seems a bit volatile, like a drunk passenger who grabs the empty bus seat next to yours. We roll onto the road and start the lesson.

"Yew, this car smells like my grandfather," Carrot Top squeals.

She's right. The vehicle does emit a pungent odor, like baby powder mixed with bacon, but it doesn't really need to be said.

We're approaching the first stoplight when Carrot Top spits out a comment on the student's driving. It's not a compliment. I politely cut that off and tell my driver that she's doing fine. I've got two hours with this new kid today, not to mention future lessons.

Fifteen minutes into the lesson we roll down an entrance ramp and merge onto the freeway. As we get to up cruising speed I hear a scream from the back of the car. It's Carrot Top.

"Spider!" she shrieks.

My driver is a quiet girl with some sort of nervous condition I haven't been told about. She has difficulty relaxing under normal, calm circumstances, and the commotion is making her agitated. As Carrot Top keeps screaming, my driver tenses and fights to keep the car in her lane.

"Please be quiet!" I finally order, spinning toward the rear seat like a parent seconds away from pulling the car over. I command the other student in the back to kill the spider. She stomps her foot on the floor, but our intruder scampers under my seat. This seems to be enough to calm Carrot Top. For now.

I'm pretty good with most personalities. I can usually make uneasy students feel comfortable fairly quickly. Carrot Top, however, presents a new kind of challenge. Still, I realize I've got to try. As the new girl she's probably just feeling out of place.

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